I am going to learn to ride a surf board

This is my third round of 12WBT. Hard to admit that as my last round was not a great one. This round I decided to put the hard yards in to planning. Problem was that I found it hard to think of non-food rewards. I came up with some rewards that I quite liked but nothing really captured my imagination.

This week I booked a flight to Brisbane. I go there each year in November or December for a little under a week. I spend a couple of days in Brisbane catching up with friends followed by a couple of days somewhere else. Usually it is with two friends but neither of them is available at the time I have booked (of course, in my usual fashion I did not consult them about my plans before I booked, that would have been too sensible). I usually head to the Sunshine Coast with them for a three-night girls' long weekend. With them not being available I thought to myself that I would just head up to the Sunshine Coast anyway and spend a few days relaxing. Somewhere in all my thinking I came up with the idea of going to Broadbeach on the Gold Coast. I had been there a couple of times when I lived in Brisbane but had never stayed. I always meant to go back and spend a weekend or so there but I had never got around to it.

Anyway, one thing led to another. I booked some accommodation at Broadbeach and then, while I was mulling it over about what I would do with myself while I was there, a thought popped up in my mind. Learn to surf! And rather like that character in the Dice Man I did a deal with myself and decided that if there were surf board riding classes at Broadbeach then I was going to do it - I was going to give it a go and learn to ride a surf board. A few seconds of Googling later and yes, there are classes. A quick email asking about it and requesting that I not be put in a children's class (my only stipulation) and I am going to do it.

It is always something I have wanted to do. I am terrified and excited all at once. I know I won't master it in one or two lessons, and I am not sure how the old knee replacement is going to cope but bugger it, I am going to give it a go anyway. In fact, I even Googled some exercises I can do to prepare.

It has only just dawned on me that I have just actively sought out an exercise-based reward. Who would have ever thought that possible - certainly not me! I love being over 50 (I am nearly 57) as I now have the courage to try things that in my younger days I would have been too embarrassed to give a go.

I am feeling sad

Tomorrow, 21 August 2013 it the 5-year anniversary of my Dad's death. He was a good man. Honest and reliable. A good dad. I miss him.

It's not often I feel like vomiting when I exercise

I have only twice felt like vomiting when I exercise. Once when I was doing burpees (for the first and only time) and today when I was doing a boxing class.

I signed up this week for a 10-week group boxing class. The first class was today. Quite challenging for my coordination and I am basically a wuss so the idea of someone actually punching me is a tad scary. Not that I am actually going to punch somebody. But in the drills we did today you do different  punches with a partner. You hit the glove contraption they hold and then swap. Apparently we did 1000 punches. We also did press ups, tricep dips, bicep curls, planks (yes, on our toes), and ab crunches (100 of them). Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would like doing crunches but I was just so grateful to be lying on the floor!

So, one boxing class down and nine to go. If this doesn't get rid of my tuckshop/bat wing/CWA arms, nothing will.

I am not Sisyphus

Yesterday I did my weigh-in for Round 3 of 12WBT. I weighed in at 1.4 kgs more than I started Round 2. Yes, I acknowledge it is still a lot less than I weighed last year, and my ‘wall sit’ and the other fitness tests show that I am a lot fitter, but I am pretty down on myself for falling off the wagon so much so quickly. It only took three weeks to gain that weight. And what is worse I did it knowingly. Did I enjoy it? Well, yes, sort of. But in the back of my mind was my voice always saying to myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” The only thing I didn’t do was eat chocolate. It was like somewhere is those recesses of that complex mind I knew that if I succumbed to chocolate then that would be the end, the absolute end.

So why was my second round of 12WBT pretty much a dead loss? Believe me, I have given this some thought. I did too much travel. I wasn't organised enough. I set lousy goals that I didn't give enough thought to. I didn't eat clean and fresh. I just wasn't on board. I went through the motions. I wasted the opportunity of those 12 weeks - not completely, but close enough.

I managed my first three-week trip quite well. I never quite got back into the groove and when my second three-week trip came around I got complacent. My total 22 kilo loss is now 18.6 kilos. So I have some catch up to do. I take full responsibility for my lapse. I have also learnt a few good lessons from it and everything Mish says about getting organised, eating fresh and healthy and consistency being key is so, so true. So I am back for Round 3 and really excited about it.

It is crazy that I now have to again lose weight I have already lost. I feel like Sisyphus, who, in Greek mythology, was punished for chronic deceitfulness by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever. A life made meaningless because it consists of bare repetition.

Sisyphys (1548-1549) by Titian

I don't want to keep losing the same kilos over and over again for the rest of my life. That is just plain stupid. And I am not stupid!

My goals for Round 3 of 2013 12WBT

Today I finished the second of the Round 3 12WBT pre-season tasks. I mention this because I didn't really put much effort into them in Round 2 and I vowed to put more effort into Round 3.

The first pre-season task is to identify those things that can get in the way of your success and to think of what you can do to stop them stopping you.

The second pre-season task is to set your goals for the short, long and longer term. Not only do you need to set your goals but also how you are going to go about achieving them. I first came across the SMART method for goal setting in the 1990s and I have used it on many, many occasions in my work life to set business goals. I have never ever used them in my private life. Unbelievable but true. I have no idea why but I do know that I short-cut these tasks in Round 2 and quite simply, I shouldn't have. That why this time I have put in the effort and have really thought about my goals and what I can do to help make it easier for me to achieve them. And this time I have included some rewards. I have also added in a 9 Month Goal because that is when the 24-hour MS Mega Swim is held and that, quite possibly, means even more to me than my personal body and fitness goals. That is because it pays forward the help, faith, friendship that my friend Peter extended to me when he started this whole thing off by getting me back in the swimming pool on 17 September 2012. What follows below then is what I have come up with. And believe me, it is harder to do than it looks!

TASK 1 “Get Real - No More Excuses”

Internal excuses
I am too tired.
I am too busy.

Solutions
Turn off computer by 7:30pm. Go to bed earlier so can get up and exercise. Make sure that I am eating good quality food so I have enough fuel to exercise. Just start. Doesn't have to be a mammoth exercise session each time. Don't over think it. Don't start negotiating with myself. Go into robot mode and just do it.

External excuses (within my control)
It is too hot/too cold/too wet to exercise.

Solutions
Plan my daily exercise sessions a week in advance so I know exactly what I am doing each morning. Make it easier for me to exercise. Keep gym and swim gear in the boot of the car so I just have to jump in the car and go to the gym/pool. Make sure there is healthy food in the house so I have good fuel for my exercise. Prepare the night before (food and exercise clothing) to make it easy to get out of the house in the morning.

External Excuses (Outside My Control)
My mother wants me for some thing that is urgent to her.

Solutions
Embargo my morning for me. Block out mornings in my diary. Don't put off my exercise until later in day as inevitably something will come up. Get my exercise done earlier and get it out of the way before other external pulls on my time have a chance to come up.

TASK 2 “Take Control - Set Your Goal”

1 Month Goals

• Lose 5kg
• Swim 200 metres butterfly non-stop
• Swim 300 metres freestyle in under 6 minutes
• Swim 1km freestyle non-stop in under 35 minutes

AND

• By 17 September 2013,  the 1-year anniversary of the day I got back in the swimming pool, to have lost a total of 30 kilos

How I Will Get There
Stick to calorie-controlled diet by following the 12WBT menus.
Go to Masters swim squad each week and swim two other sessions each week
Do gym sessions three times a week building up resistance and time on bike
Keep activity diary.

Rewards
Still to be decided

3 Month Goals

• Lose 15kgs
• Swim 1km freestyle in 30 minutes
• Swim 200 metres butterfly non-stop
• Hoist myself out of the pool using my arms

How I Will Get There
Follow 12WBT program
Undertake weekly Masters aerobic and endurance swim sessions
Have faith in my own ability and commitment

Rewards
New swimming costume
New gym shoes
Dexa Scan

6 Month Goals

• Lose 25 kilos
• Fit into new Trent Nathan dress

How I Will Get There
Steadily building my level of fitness to build more muscle and reduce percentage of fat and keeping to the 12WBT eating plan.

Rewards
Beauty treatment with the works
Dexa Scan

9 Month Goals

• Swim 10 kilometres in the 24-hour Mega Swim to aid people with Multiple Sclerosis

How I Will Get There
Follow 12WBT fitness and nutrition plan
Embrace changes as my lifestyle

Rewards
The satisfaction of achieving a goal I would never have previously contemplated
Dexa Scan

12 Month Goals

• Achieve goal weight
• Get BMI to healthy weight range
• Achieve elite level of fitness
• Wear sleeveless top with pride

How I Will Get There
Follow 12WBT fitness and nutrition plan
Embrace changes as my lifestyle

Rewards
Professional photo portrait
Buy new sleeveless outfit
Dexa Scan.

Due to popular demand ...

I got a message from a friend today that I needed to update my blog as I have much to tell. Well, indeed I do. We are now in Week 10 of Round 2 of 12WBT. My how time flies when you aren't having fun. I hesitate to say that I have thrown in the towel this round but it has certainly been up and down. An utter bloody rollercoaster actually!

In every trial in life there is a lesson to be learned. Trite but true. The lesson I have learned these past weeks is that the mind is a very powerful thing and it takes a lot of strength to beat it. Oh, and organisation is key.

Let me explain. I started off this round of 12 WBT spending three weeks Singapore and Thailand. Not an ideal start but I had planned this trip before I had even enrolled in Round 1. I was not crazy, food-wise, and did a fair bit of walking and some swimming, so came back in okay shape - no loss, no gain. I was pretty relaxed and happy with myself when I got back. That lasted about ten minutes.

 On my way back to my house I went to visit my 86-year-old mum. I walked in the door and got a big shock. In the three weeks I had been away she had lost a lot of weight (5 kilos we found out later). She was dizzy and not at all well. She had self-diagnosed and decided that the dizziness was due to wax in her ears. It took me a week to convince her to go to the doctor. Blood tests and scans followed. The resulting diagnosis of 'acute renal failure' meant an immediate trip to hospital. Of course, immediate trip to hospital does not mean immediate admission to hospital. She finally got a bed in the Emergency unit after several hours sitting in the waiting area. I left her at about 4am still wide awake with the adrenalin of it all. When I went back later that morning she was still in the bed but it had been moved to the corridor along with three other patients. She quite enjoyed it there as there was lots going on, including a high-pitched aria being sung by someone in the Mental Health Unit next door. A full 24 hours after arriving at the hospital she got admitted to a ward. Somewhere in all that her prescription spectacles went missing, never to be seen again. For the next week I was back and forth on a circuit from my home to her house to pick up the paper, do the washing, to the hospital and back again - and again and again. I only have recall in the fog of fatigue of eating hot chips with gravy in the hospital café and topping up on coffee to keep me going. Constantly on the move. No time at all to do much except keep going on the circuit of to her home, back to my home, back to her home, back to the hospital, visits to lost property to try and track down her spectacles (with no success - apparently spectacles often go missing), and making phone calls to various people updating her on her progress, cancelling appointments, making others, and trying to find out what on earth was going on.

I will spare this blog the details of the rest of this saga except to say that amongst all the stress and exhaustion, I had an epiphany. I still had the 'burnt chop' syndrome. I was continuing to put my needs after others' wants, needs and requests. Once again I was running around like a mad woman. I had a mother, who because she was stubborn and refused to let others help (except me, because then she could pretend to herself that she didn't help because my help didn't count) was in hospital, seriously ill and still insisting that she really wasn't sick. It was when one of the many people who came into her room, but never really explained what they were there for, asked her whether she had an help at home and whether anyone made contact with her on an almost daily basis, and she replied, "Oh, my daughter calls me occasionally." WTF? I visited her every day and would often be there for 8, 9, 10 hours. I took her to all her appointments. I paid all her bills for her. I did her tax return each year. I cleaned her fridge. I took her shopping every Sunday. I rang each afternoon if I hadn't been able to get over to visit her. And she was describing it as that I rang her occasionally. I was so hurt. But rather than feel angry, I felt hurt. Profoundly hurt.
So I wrote her a letter. I wrote it in big letters so that she could read it. It went for over 3 pages as a result of my ginormous writing but was really only quite short. I said that I wanted to help and had no problems with helping as I respected her wish to stay in her own home but I was hurt by her telling others that I only visited occasionally. I told her I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. I needed time for myself. And I didn't want to take on the role of house keeper. I told her we had the resources to get in outside help and despite her telling me that it wasn't necessary, I felt that it was indeed necessary and it was necessary for ME. As I needed the help. I said that I respected her decisions but I did not be complicit in her decision to refuse all outside help. And I told her that I would not be visiting every day and nor would I would be doing as much as I had before. I respected her decision and she now had to respect my decision to claim back my life and take care of myself.

And like any obsessive compulsive, I took that to the extreme. What followed was too much rest and not enough activity. Too many rewards and treats because, damn it, I am worth it! So week by week my Wednesday weigh-in became a battle - up in weight one week, back down the next, up the week after. A few good days here, a few bad days there. I had also agreed to edit a book so that also became a useful excuse for sitting around. I did get back into the pool and I did start back in my BodyPump class but after a gap of nearly five weeks without lifting weighs I increased the weights on my bar too quickly and tore a muscle in my arm (well, I think it is a tear - like my mother I have self-diagnosed!). So, as I wrestled with the guilt about my mum, the pain in my arm, and the chaos that was my own house, my life felt like it had become the 3 M's - Mum, Muscle and Mess. And all the drama was in my head. Sure, I had a few practical problems going on (my 3 M's) but the biggest battle was in my head. I was feeling absolutely and completely overwhelmed. I am not someone who cries easily (except in Lassie movies, that is) but I felt like crying. I knew that things needed to change. I had hidden so much of my trauma and turmoil for so long. I decided that I needed to get my head in order, my house in order, in fact my whole fucking world needed to be put in order. In the way these things happen, in the middle of all this muddle I read about an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder trial being run by Swinburne. I decided to apply for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

And for the first time in my life I told some friends about my OCD. At first they thought I was joking. They soon realised I was serious when I told them about the trial I had seen and how I was going to apply to participate in it. So I did apply and after hours of phone interviews I have just been advised that I have been accepted into the 12-week trial. Another 12-week program!

They have described me as a high achieving/high functioning OCD sufferer. What this really means is that I battle every day to function in society. I succeed but it is at a cost. Yes, I have been successful. I have a Masters degree and two other post-grad qualifications. I have held down demanding full-time jobs. I juggled working with post-graduate study while bringing up a child by myself with no financial or other support from his father (but that is another story). I have taken on the caring role for my parents without qualm. I do volunteer work. As they say, if you want something done, ask a busy person. I just keep on keeping on like the Energiser bunny. And to do this I have to fight my demons every single day. There is no day's reprieve. It is tiring and when it is combined with a period of muddle and chaos like I have just gone through, it is utterly exhausting.

So now, somehow, it is now the middle of Week 10 of 12WBT and I say this out loud but not proudly - I haven't progressed much in Round 2. And I take full responsibility. I have taken no measurements except in pre-season. I have not done the fitness tests in Weeks 1, 4 and 8. I have achieved less than a kilo loss. I am not too happy about that but I am not too sad about it either because a loss is a loss - and let's be straight up about this, I have just eaten too much food and too much of that food has been fatty and salty, high energy food. It may be science, but it is not rocket science, and it is not hard to understand: Take in more energy than you expend and you gain weight. Eat less and you lose weight.

 Am I doing Round 3? Yes, I am! So, now I have two different but simultaneous 12 week challenges coming up. An interesting time ahead that is hopefully going to make life and all its mess and muddle a whole lot easier in the future. I am excited!

And I will start Round 3 with the same degree of excitement I felt about Round 1 and with a lot more knowledge about myself. I feel good! Now I just have to set those goals, milestones and rewards.

Week 1 of Round 2 of 12WBT

Well, this week has a been a bit of a write-off. I came down with a bug on Mother's Day on Sunday which I tried to ignore until I couldn't any more. Now have a nasty cough and still have a headache and a bit of a temperature. And no exercise since Sunday. I probably shouldn't have gone to the pool on Sunday when I wasn't feeling "quite right" but I was worried about using it as an excuse and I followed the mantra of JFDI.

This is the first time I have been sick since I started on my exercise regime and started eating more healthily. And you know what, after nearly 8 months I thought I was immune. Wrong, wrong, wrong. But it has given me cause to think about why I got sick now (and not doing any exercise for 5 days gives you time for that!).

I think it was more related to stress than anything else. The physical stress of my mega swim together with my mum who has been a bit of hard work this past week, and getting organised for an overseas holiday, combined with knowing I needed to have a scan for a lump in my breast has taken its toll (scan yesterday, have lump, not a cyst or anything worse - still waiting on the formal report but appears to be okay).

I KNOW that stress is a problem with me.
I KNOW I get anxious.
I KNOW that if I get anxious I get sick.
But I still repeat it over and over and over.

And ever so closely related to that is that I don't sleep well at the best of times. And when I am stressed I sleep even more badly. Quite simply, for the past few weeks I have not been getting any where near enough sleep.

My old habit of going to bed really late - really, really late - has crept back in. And I need to fight that. I know what I need to do - I need to put my iPad away by a reasonable hour (which as I write I am trying to work out what that would be - but I am going to say 8pm) and then relax and go to be BEFORE MIDNIGHT. Prefereably well before midnight. Then I won't wake up in a fog - but more importantly, I won't get sick. Sounds so easy ...

One week until the start of Round 2 of 12WBT

Round 2 of the 12WBT starts next Monday. I have been thinking about a few things, particularly what goals I need to set for the next 12 weeks and also how I am going to handle weeks 2 to 4 when I am in Singapore and Thailand.
I have put in my diary all the necessary reminders and I will take a print-out of the exercise plan and do some of those exercises every day in my room as well as planks and push-ups.

I have also made sure that each hotel has a swimming pool. The only problem with that is hotel pools are usually quite short which makes it practically impossible to do any good distance. I am thinking that the way to get around that is to do butterfly which is more intense that freestyle. That should scare the neighbours and clear the pool pretty quickly. And I will try water running.

Each hotel also has gym equipment but they are usually pretty ordinary and I really don't want to be locked away in one. The hotel in Chiang Mai also says it has free bicycles for guests to use. Given that I have only ridden a stationary one that might be an interesting experience. And of course there is also walking - not my favourite exercise but tolerable when combined with shopping! I am just going to have to mix it up.

It won't be as easy as it is now when I just go to my gym class or swim squad and an hour or so later it is done and dusted. I also need to try and eat clean and healthy as much as possible and that is going to be a big challenge as when I travel I go into mad holiday mode and eat pretty much everything!

I am also have to hunt down scales each Wednesday. I hope each hotel will have some I can borrow. And I hope that they will let me take them to my room. I am not sure that nude and after a wee would be appropriate viewing in a hotel foyer!

New dress

I have just purchased this Trent Nathan dress (Speckled Ponti in Emerald and Black) for when I hit my goal weight.

Will take while which is why it is a winter dress - planning on fitting into it in winter 2014!

Slow and steady ...

I love science

It is just over seven months since I started exercising again and trying to make sure I ate more healthily. Since 17 September 2012, I have lost 20.5 kgs. This means I have been losing around 2.5 kilos a month. Slow and steady. And it really hasn't been that hard.

When my friend Peter left Canberra I knew I needed to get help to keep me on track so I signed up for Round 1 of the 12WBT. I finish it this week, around 10 kilos lighter than when I started on it and a lot fitter. My core is so much stronger too which can only help with my back pain. I can now do planks and push-ups (both on my toes) as well as sit-ups, with relative ease.

To mark the end of Round 1 I decided to treat myself to a Dexa Scan. I thought it would be a good way to benchmark where I am at. And being more accurate (it is supposed to be 98% accurate) than the cheaper scan I had a few weeks ago at the University of Canberra I thought it would help me revise my health and fitness goals.

There were no surprises except that this one came complete with two pictures of me that were pretty challenging. And it does make me wish that I had done this right at the start so I would be able to compare them and see the improvement. Because even though I know I am fitter and tauter than I was, I still see a big fat lump. And that is precisely why I am now looking at the science and the facts - because I need to take the emotion right out of it!

Above: The DEXA Scans of me taken 28 April 2013

Today's scan shows that I have good muscle mass and good strong bones. I need 1,925 calories a day to keep me going. I am 41% fat and carrying too much of it in my trunk. I need to lose between 25.1 and 28.8 kilos to get to a healthy weight.
 
The scan also confirmed that my desirable weight is much higher than the 59-65 kilos that Weight Watchers told me all those years ago that I should be. At the time (1985) I got down to 69 kilos, but I could not sustain it. No wonder! It is 12 kilos less than the lowest weight the Dexa scan said I should be based on my body composition - yes, I can truthfully say l have strong bones and good muscle mass. I have been mad at myself all these years for not being able to achieve the unattainable. So now I can stop feeling guilty about not being able to do the impossible. This is possibly the biggest lesson I have learned - stop being emotional about all this and base decisions on facts. It is quite simple, really. Measure my progress based on evidence.

My total body composition scan results summary is:

• Total body bone mineral density: 1.230 g.cm-2 (normal).
• Total percent body fat: 41.0 % (recommended limits1 23% – 34%)
• Central abdominal fat (sub-region R1): 1.927 kg – High risk
• Resting Metabolic Rate: 1925 kcal/day
• In reviewing your current body composition your ideal weight is between 81.0 kg to 84.7 kg
• To achieve this you need to lose 25.1 kg to 28.8kg of fat
• Suggested calorie intake to attain ideal weight based on RMR
  
• Minimum Structured Exercise Energy Expenditure Target 1800 Kcal/week.

I have signed up for Round 2 even though I will be overseas for the first couple of weeks. I am not a perfect 12WBT'er but I try. I find that it helps my head to stay in the right place. And that is where most of the battles in this quest to get fit and healthy take place - in my head!

I won't be at the Round 1 12WBT Final as I will be in the pool - I have just signed up for the MS 24 Hour Mega Swim!

I can't believe that I am going to do this, but I have just signed up for the 2013 Canberra 24 Hour Mega Swim to raise funds for people affected by multiple sclerosis. Yes, you read it correctly - a 24 hour mega swim! It's not quite as bad as it sounds as I am part of a team of 10 people called the Molonglo Masters Apprentices. Ten people into 24 hours still means a LOT of swimming!

At the start of 12WBT I would never have believed I would have ever contemplated this. But that is the power of Mish!

Why am I doing this? Well, this week my son told me a young man he knows has just been diagnosed with MS. That news, combined with the passing of Chrissy Amphlett, tipped the scales for me and I decided to jump into the pool and do something that would fittingly mark the finish of my first round of the 12WBT 2013 but also give something back.

MS Australia has created my own personal web page to help me fundraise, so it is really easy for you to sponsor me. Just click on the link below! Any amount will help.

http://events.megaswim.com/?DeborahJohns

Things I have tried on Round 1 of 12WBT 2013

It is hard to try new things. It is confronting. It is embarrassing. It doesn't matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert - it is pure, unadulterated, nerve wracking torture. But you know what? It does get easier the more you confront it and keep on plugging away. So, this is what I have "given a go".

• I got back into BodyPump after 13-year break. I do it regularly now.
• I tried Seniors Gym, a circuit class. I do it regularly now.
• I did my first Masters Swimming Endurance swim session. I found it very challenging to be timed by others. I haven't done another one but I will.
• I tried Body Balance class. Tried it a couple of times, actually. Nah, not for me.
• Volunteered to be a pupil for trainee swimming coaches to practice on.
• Did a swimming skills class to improve my tumble turns.
• I tried Cardio Sculpt class. I thought I was going to vomit. Found out I can't use a skipping rope anymore - will have to work on that. Tried my first Burpees. Hopeless. Will have to work on those too. Tried my first Russian Twists - my abs better than I thought. Did my first pushups on toes in about 13 years as well. Managed a full Plank too - and felt strong! I even did a version of a jog - bit like that old ultra marathon dude looked but I was sans gumboots. My knee would not cope with full-on jogging, but it was good to find out I can move a bit faster on land than I thought I could. I have added this class it to my list of activities too. It's a killer but I felt great afterwards.
• Got a Polar Hear Rate monitor. Still have to work out how to fully use it.
• Got a swish new set of Tanita scales. Have worked out how to weigh myself, but the other settings are beyond me. May have to call on my son to help sort it out.
• Bought a small food processor to help with all the chopping jobs. Had to recruit my patient son to help me work out how to set it up. It flummoxed him too, but we got it sorted in the end. A wonderful device and even better, it is bright red.
• Had a Body scan and found out my bones are strong, my hydration is good, and my muscle strength is good too. And ... I am 49.2% fat. But better news was that my goal weight should be 79.8kgs, not the 69kgs I have believed all these years was supposed to be my "ideal" weight. Yay!
• Started a Blog!!!

What I have learned

You are worth it. Yes you are. Remind yourself of that every day.
Eat breakfast - it sets you up for the day.
Sleep more - it helps you lose weight and you will feel better for it.

You don't have to be perfect. Get off the emotional rollercoaster and be kind to yourself.
Organise. Set yourself up for success - plan your exercise, plan your shopping, plan your meals.
Understand food labels. Low-fat doesn't mean low-cal. Watch out for hidden sugar.

Consistent effort is the key to success. It won't happen overnight but it will happen. Be patient.
Acronyms abound - SSS, TUT, JFDI, TTOM ...
No excuses - JFDI! Take responsiblitity. Be accountable.

Diary - get one and write it all down - state your goals, plan your weekly food and exercise, record your progress.
Once a week for weigh-in is enough. Same day, in the morning, nude and after a wee.

It is a lifestyle, not a diet. You are in this to be the best version of yourself.
Try new things. Mix it up.  Challenge yourself.

Yes, You Can Do It!

Pain free - yippee

I have been living with chronic pain. It drives you crazy. There is no relief, it is just there all the time. It is all related to a netball injury from years ago in which I destroyed my anterior cruciate ligament. Since then there has been a knee reconstruction and various other interventions to help me manage the pain of the resulting arthritis in my knee. A dreadful limp for many years did damage to my spine.

I had a total knee replacement several years ago. And within a short time my back started to ache badly. Then the sciatic nerve pain started. Unrelenting, searing pain down my back and right leg. It had been there for years, apparently, but had been masked by the intense pain in my knee from the arthritis eating away at my bones. And so it has gone on - and on, and on ...
Daytime has been manageable but night time is a nightmare. No position is comfortable. I toss and turn. I can't get comfortable. Anti-inflammatory drugs don't work. When I manage to get to sleep it is fitful and I wake an hour or so later and start the tossing and turning all over again. I have become friends with night-time radio. In the mornings I wake in a fog. I have no energy. I am tired and cranky and fed up. Losing weight and getting fit has brought no relief. It was time to do something. A neuro-surgeon told me 5 years ago that I needed a spinal fusion. My reaction was thank you but no thanks. Not yet, at least. The surgery didn't worry me but the 6-month rehab did. All up I have already spent 2 years in rehab after knee surgeries so I am not much interested in spending more time in that little land of misery.

I have been seeing a physio every fortnight for treatment. A few weeks ago she noticed some changes in my back and some new tender spots and suggested I have a chat with my doctor as it had been some years after my last scan. That  chat with my doctor led me to a nuclear scan, a less-than pleasant exercise that showed bad news about my facet joints. It was time to try something else -the pain wasn't in my mind and it was getting worse.

I had a cortisone injection in my hand for carpel tunnel some years back and that gave me relief but it only lasted only three weeks. It was in my mind as a back-up plan for my back (no pun intended) but I had heard that you could only have 3 cortisone treatments in your spine before they stopped working. So I had been saving them up so that I could have them when I really needed them. I realised that time was now!

I had a cortisone injection in my spine yesterday - actually, several injections but I won't bore you with the details. And OMG - I am pain free for the first time in more than 20 years! There is just a little gripe going on, but that I can live with.
 
Not sure how long this will last - somewhere from 1 day to 1 year from what I have read - but boy was it worth the expense. Yippee! Now I have absolutely no reason for being cranky - of course, I don't always need a reason!

I have l lost the plot this past week

I just haven't been in the right head space this week. I thought it was because I hadn't organised things well enough but then I realised it is because I just don't have enough time. And when I thought about it some more I realised that I am bloody fed up with being on call for others all the time and doing things I don't really want to do because I don't want to upset or offend by saying "No". And I have realised that this is the story of my life - trying to keep others happy. For what? So they will like me? I don't really know. But one thing I do know is there are quite simply too many commitments in my life helping others. And it has now reached the point where I am going to say "No more!"

Many people seem to think that because I have 'retired' from paid work that I have time available. Well I don't. Helping my mother takes more hours than a full-time job, for goodness sake. I don't have one free day in a week, not one. It is a constant barrage of things I need to do for others - errands and commitments and problems to sort out that I have been talked into. Some days it feels like everyone thinks I have been put on this earth to help them. No surprise then that I don't have enough time to look after myself. My house is a mess. And I don't know when I last had a day without someone wanting something from me, or suggesting something I could/should do.

Constant little niggly ear worms making me feel bad if I don't help. And this has been going on for years, and years, and years!

Well, enough is enough. I can't (and won't) do it any more. I am going to put people on notice that I am not available. I am making time for me. I don't want my phone ringing all the time, and people complaining they can't get through to me, that they haven't seen me, bla bla bla, and wouldn't it be great if I organised this or that because I am such a good organiser! I don't expect it of others so why is it expected of me? I can't do it all and I am not going to try to be all things to all people any more. And if they don't like it then it is really too bad. I am more important than those who want things from me all the time. And I want some time for ME. I want a weekend where I can do what I want not what others want me to do because that is what THEY want. It is well overdue for me to start nurturing myself, not taking care of others' needs and wants all the time. Selfish? Maybe. But it is time.

I hit the 1/3 mark today

Today is Easter Sunday and this morning I had a wee, got naked, and weighed myself. Even though on the 12WBT we are supposed to weigh ourselves only once a week, I did it because I had been crunching some numbers and knew I would be close to the 1/3 mark. And today I hit it. I have lost 19.5 kilos since I started eating healthily and exercising last September. That is 19.5 kilos that don't have residence on my body anymore! That is also one third of what I am supposed to lose if I am to get to my recommended weight. I am not sure if that is the final weight I really should be but at this stage I am not worrying about that. For the first time I am relying on my body to tell me what is my best athletic weight.

This adventure (I can't stand the word 'journey') started slowly on 17 September 2012, just over 6 months ago, with me starting to exercise. The only dietary concession I made was to cut out sugar and much of the junk food on which I had been existing. This meant not touching chocolate (one of the great loves of my life), chips, biscuits, cakes and ice cream - pretty much anything that can be classified as 'dessert' or snack foods. It has been relatively painless. Somehow I seem to have switched off the chocolate-obsessive button in my head. I am not sure how but even with Easter it hasn't really tempted me to try chocolate. The hardest thing has been getting it into my head that it is a lifestyle, not a short-term diet. My focus has always been on getting fit, though, not on losing weight.

Today I went for a lovely swim. I only did 1 and a half kilometres. (Notice how I said 'only'. Still that negative talk slips in.) So to rephrase, today I swan 1 and a half kilometres. I did it on a Sunday and without any chocolate (including any Easter eggs, bunnies or bilbies) or any other food reward afterwards. I must admit though that the thought of a big piece (or three) of KFC entered my head on the way home. I even changed lane to go home via the KFC drive-through. But I quickly moved the car into the other lane that would take me straight home. And instead of thinking I was depriving myself by not succumbing to the craving, however strong it was, I thought about my 8-week 12WBT fitness trial that I will do this week and how much better I will perform without that gunk in my body. Thanks Mish - my body and my head are much happier.

Something clicked yesterday

I am not sure what happened, but yesterday something just clicked in my head. I think it was Mish's statement about trying something new.

Even though I have tried lots of new things since starting on 12WBT, I decided yesterday that I would do a stretch class. I had thought about it before but because it is scheduled straight after my BodyPump class I had talked myself out of it because I would be too tired, too hot, too sweaty. But I decided to JFDI. I didn't over-think it (in other words, find excuses why I shouldn't do it). And it meant I had a real rush on my hands afterwards to get to my next commitment but I gave up the hour and went with the flow.

It was hard work and it got my heart-beat up which was surprising to me. But it didn't stop there. In the late afternoon a friend rang and suggested we walk our dogs together. I didn't think about it, I just said 'yes'. So, three lots of exercise in one day. And you know what? It wasn't difficult :)

So far ...

It is now 6 months since I started to live more healthily. Here is what I have done so far:

At the start on 17 September 2012

• BMI 45 (which means I am nearly 50% fat)
• Weight: My secret
• Exercise: Nil, zero, nuffin!!!

3 December 2012

• 37 minutes 12 seconds for 1500 metres freestyle (74.4 seconds/50m freestyle)

1 January 2013

• Joined Masters swim club

10  January 2013

• Started Masters squad on Thursday mornings

10 February 2013

• Volunteered for swimming coaching session with trainee coaches

At start of Round 1 of 12WBT

• BMI: 42
• Weight: Still my secret :)
• Exercise: Swimming regularly and the occasional gym session

7 February 2013

• 300 metre swim: 7 minutes 37 seconds (Intermediate)

10 February 2013

• Pushups:              31 knees in 1 minute (Advanced)
• Planks:                 35 seconds on knees (Intermediate)
• Wall sit:               18 seconds (Beginner)
• Sit & Reach:        -9cms (Beginner)

12 February 2013

• Started BodyPump class

13 February 2013

• Started Senior Gym class

Mini Milestone Week: 4-10 March 2013

• 24 minutes for 1 kilometre freestyle (72 seconds per 50 metres)

3 March 2013

• 150 metres in 3 minutes 30 seconds (70 seconds per 50 metres). Buggered up the time-trial - forgot that I needed to do 12x25metres, not 6x25metres, so had to re-do. Decided to start Endurance swimming session with Masters club on Saturday 9 March 2013

6 March 2013

• -6.3kgs
• BMI: 39.2 (below 40!)
• BMR: 1757
• Total change for my body: 13.5cm smaller:
• Chest      -4cm
• Waist      -2cm
• Hips        -2.5cm
• L.Thigh  -2.5cm
• R.Thigh  -1cm
• L.Arm    -2cm
• R.Arm    -1.5cm

9 March 2013

• Did a 400 metre timed freestyle swim in my first Masters Endurance swim session and used it to measure my 300 metre swimming fitness test. I improved my 300 metre fitness swim time by 14% (did the swim in 6 minutes 33 seconds, taking 1 minute 4 seconds off my previous time of 7 minutes 37 seconds done on 7 February 2013)

10 March 2013

• 300 metre swim: -64 seconds
• From 7 minutes 37 seconds (Intermediate) to 6 minutes 33 seconds (Intermediate).
• Improvement from 76 seconds per 50 metres to 
• Pushups:             +17 reps
• From 31 knees in 1 minute (Advanced) to 48 (Advanced)
• Planks:                + 50 seconds
• From 35 seconds on knees (Intermediate) to 1 minute 25 seconds on  knees (Advanced)
• Wall sit:              + 20 seconds
• From 18 seconds (Beginner) to 38 Seconds (Beginner) 
•  Sit & Reach:      +3cms
• From -9cms (Beginner) to -6cms (Beginner)

14 March 2013

• Did a 200 metre IM (Individual Medley comprising 50metres butterfly, backstroke, breastroke and freestyle) in the Masters squad training session

20 March 2014

• Lost a total of 40 pounds (18.1 kilos) since 17 September 2012 - an average of 3 kilos a month
• Lost 7.6 kilos (17 pounds) since started on 12WBT (6.5%) - an average of 1.5 kilos a week
• BMI 38.8
• BMR 1744

21 March 2014

• Did Masters swim squad with the competition swimmers - kept up with their pace in butterfly and kicking

It won't happen overnight

I started off trying to live a healthier and more active lifestyle last September. With such a lot of weight to lose it seemed a LONG way to go but I decided that I might as well enjoy it and get my head out of that space of needing instant results.

By the time I joined Round 1 of the 12WBT I had lost nearly 10 kilos. And I had done it relatively easily. The only real changes I made were cutting out sugar (cakes, biscuits, chocolate) and other junk food such as potato chips, and upping my exercise (which wasn't hard to do given that before I pretty much I did nothing!). Instead of torturing myself with ridiculous quick-fix diets that promise everything but deliver nothing, I told my head that it was about getting fit and healthy and that losing weight was not the main goal. That mind shift for the most part seems to have worked. I don't get as mad with myself when I slip up (and reward/punish myself with food for being useless) and if I do slip up I do it knowingly. rather than mindless snacking.

This morning I did my weekly 12WBT weigh-in. All up I have lost 18.1 kilos. My BMI is now in the 30s. Slow and steady, I am getting there. As the advert says, it won't happen overnight, but it will happen!

Week 5 already?

Time is supposed to slow down when you are on a diet - er, a healthy living program. Why then does it feel like the last couple of weeks have become turbo-charged? The days are positively whipping by. I have been down the coast these past few days which has added to the feeling of "where has my week gone and what have I got to show for it?" It's so hard to stay on track when your routine is disturbed. That's not something I thought I would say. It's certainly not something I could say in the past few years when everything seemed so out of control.

So what have I done this past week? Things that I am proud of? Three things:

• I signed up for the MS Mega Swim on 2-3 May. It's a 24-hour continuous swim relay done in teams of 15 people. What a way to finish Round 1 2013 of 12WBT!
• On Saturday I went to my Masters swimming club and put my name down for an 'Endurance' swim. It is a timed swim. I had to do my 300 metre fitness test swim but had buggered up the timing doing it myself so I signed up for a 400 metre swim and did it then and there! I asked that they record my 300 metres time on the way through to 400 metres so I knew the time I would report in my stats would be true. I had been too shy to try it before. But I thought what better for a 12WBT Mini Milestone Challenge that to JFDI.
• Today I did a 200 metre Individual Medley. The last time I did that I was a teenager.

My progress

I am in a bit of a schmozzle. Despite planning, diarising and organising I haven't quite managed what I had planned for Week 4 of the 12WBT. Noone to blame but myself. I knew it was going to end up like this but I have buried my head in the sand a bit. Nothing really that bad - I have just proven once again that I cannot be trusted with numbers.

I set three goals to achieve by the end of Week 4 (10 March). These are to:

• Goal: Lose 5kg
• Goal: Swim 1km freestyle non-stop in under 35 minutes
• Goal: Swim 200 metres butterfly non-stop.

So have I been a woman of my word and achieved them? Well, sort of but not really.

Goal: Lose 5kg
At this Wednesday's weigh-in my total loss after nearly a month on the 12WBT was 6.3kgs (7.3kg if you count the 1kg lost in pre-season). I have also lost 14cm in total from various parts of my body, including, joy of joys, my bust (-4cm) and upper arms (-2cm). So, yes, I think I can say: GOAL ACHIEVED.

Since starting on my fitness and healthy living program last September I have been recording my food and exercise. According to MyFitnessPal I have lost a total of 17.2kgs. My BMI has gone from 45 to 39.2. So things are going pretty well.

Now that all sounds pretty good. But the focus of all this has been on improving my fitness. Last year I ended up in hospital after an asthma attack. I hadn't had a bad asthma attack in many years. When I saw my GP after coming out of hospital she told me I could have died. I replied that I thought I was going to die. She thought I was being flippant, but I wasn't - when you can't breathe you know things are serious. And I realised I needed to start taking better care of myself. I don't 'do' diets. As soon as I feel like I am being deprived I start craving, I get frustrated and angry and I end up eating more than if I hadn't started on the diet in the first place.

So, rather than go down that old bumpy road I realised that what I wanted (and needed) to do was get healthy. And getting healthy is about more than just losing weight. That shift in my thinking seems to have helped a lot. My crazy thoughts no longer fight with my rational thoughts all the time. I don't feel deprived and some days are better than others. Socialising is hard and I do cook more than I used to. One thing I have cut out is sugar. I have not had any chocolate, cakes or biscuits since 17 September last year. Before that they were my raison d'être. Now, I am finding other reasons for my existence.

Goal: Swim 1km freestyle non-stop in under 35 minutes
Because I can't run, I did the alternative time trial in the 12WBT fitness test of swimming 300 metres. When I first did this test on Sunday 5 February I did it in less than 8 minutes which meant I was assessed as 'Intermediate' fitness for that part of the fitness test. That didn't surprise me as I had done a lot of work on my stamina since starting back in the swimming pool last September.

Last Sunday, 3 March 2013, I did the first Mini Milestone swimming time trial since that first 300 metre swimming time trial. My speed was absolutely amazing - going from 7min 37secs to 3min 30secs. I felt good in the water but I didn't think I was going that fast. But sometimes the fastest swims are actually the easiest. Yay, the old me is back, I thought. How good is that! Hang on, thinks me, something is wrong there. That really can't be right. So I do the time trial again. And I swim a few seconds faster. Maybe there is something wrong with the stop watch? So I do it again. A few seconds even faster. And I do it all with such ease. That's when the next warning bell tinkles. That is just too much of an improvement in less than 4 weeks. Those times are around what I was doing in my teenage years.

So I come home and mull it over. Then the penny drops - oops, I didn't swim the correct distance - I only swam half of it. A 300-metre swim in a 25-metre pool is 12 laps. I did 6. Bugger. (I need to explain here that sometimes the 50 metre pool I swim in is divided in half with a bulkhead, as it was last Sunday morning. And the problem starts with that, as I often get mixed up with my distances when swimming in a 25 metre pool. I can only think in 50 metre lengths, not 25-metre laps and when I try to think differently I inevitably get myself into problems, which I have done with both of my one-month swimming goals.)

What to do? I get out my calculator and some paper and do some figures. I double my time and work out that I have still had an improvement, and I have dropped around 7 secs on my per-lap speed, so that is good, but it is still only half the distance so I am not really comparing apples with apples. So I decide that just doubling the time is not good enough as it is not really an honest measurement. So I reschedule to redo it this Saturday. Bugger, bugger.

But it all gets even more complicated. It starts me thinking about my goal of swimming 1km freestyle in 35 minutes. I had based that on a previous timed swim I did  - 1500 metres in 37min 12secs (done 3 December 2012).

Then the penny drops. I have got my goal time and distance wrong too! Instead of having a goal of 1km it should have been 1.5km. Bugger, bugger, bugger! 

I need to digress here for a moment to explain something - and, no, I am not using an excuse - I have, to put it bluntly, stuffed up my swim distances, and this is why. Everyone who knows me knows that maths is not my strong suit. Add to that the fact that having been born in the 1950s I have never quite let go of the Imperial system. I can think in kilos but I still measure length in inches, yards and miles). So when I am swimming I think in yards, not metres. What this means is that when I set my 1km goal I was actually thinking of 1 mile, not 1 kilometre. And there is a big difference. A mile was the equivalent of 32 laps of a 55-yard pool. One kilometre is 20 laps of a 50-metre pool.

I did a 1km time trial on 25 February (and, yes, I am absolutely sure I did 40 laps of a 25 metre pool so I definitely did 1km). I did that 1km in 24 minutes. At the time I wondered why I did it so fast given that my goal was to do it in under 35 minutes. And then it dawned on me, I had set the wrong distance in my goal. I had chosen a 35 minute time on the basis of my 3 December 2012 time-trial - but that had been 1.5km not 1km. So, my 24 minutes for 1km wasn't as fast as I thought it was either! My basic maths was fine - the per 50-metre time I used to estimate my goal was fine. I just got the actual distance involved wrong.

What I should have written in my goal was either:

•  1.5km in 35 minutes (30 laps of a 50 metre pool; or 60 laps of a 25 metre pool = 1500 metres); or
• 1 km in 23min 3 secs (20 laps of a 50 metre pool; or 40 laps of a 25 metre pool = 1000 metres).

 So, what to do? Well, I am re-doing my 300-metre time trial and my 1km time trial again. Tomorrow, Saturday. In the morning. Before I can think too much about it. JFDI. And I will get someone else to time me (and to count my laps!)

Which leaves me to the last of my three 4-week goals. Which is the most challenging of the three goals and one I have been kicking myself for setting so early in the 12WBT.



Goal: Swim 200 metres butterfly non-stop
I have been totally frozen in trying to swim the 200 metre butterfly. Utter fear. Total anxiety about it. I have scheduled the swim and put it off and scheduled it and put it off. I didn't actually mean 200 metres when I set that goal - I meant 4 laps of a 25-metre pool (100 metres). But it was my mistake so I am going to live with it.

I have talked to my coach who says I can do it. I know I can do it. I have put it off and now, because I have stuffed up my freestyle goal and am re-doing that, I am going to have to do this the day after my other swim. Not ideal but I have had the opportunity to try for it all week and I haven't. So now the pressure is on. It is now in my diary for this Sunday 10 March. And it is going to happen. JFDI.

Let me tell how I came to be called Truffle

I am called 'Truffle' because in the late 1990s a girlfriend and I teamed up to get fit. We called ourselves 'Two Really UnFit Forties Ladies Exercising SometimeS' (TRUFFLES). I am Truffle 56 as I was born in 1956 (my friend is Truffle 55).

It was a bit of a joke to start with but we found out we motivated each other wonderfully and we worked out together at Fernwood in Brisbane for a couple of years.

Then, in late 2000, I had to move to Canberra for work and family reasons. Both Truffle 55 and I thought that we would be able to do it alone. But we couldn't. Old habits resurfaced.

My long work hours and my family commitments gave me ample excuses for not exercising. My chronic knee injury, sustained playing netball in my early 20s (which just goes to show that not all exercise is healthy) added to my misery. I have been in constant pain for longer than I can remember. My knee injury in 1980 had led to a reconstruction in 1981 (one of the first ever done) that led to severe arthritis, that led to a limp (1980s and 90s), that led to a total knee replacement in 2006 which has all resulted in spondylolisthesis and muulti-level facet joint arthropathy. In short, a painful lower back and sciatic pain that radiates down my right leg.

It hurts to walk. It hurts to stand. It hurts all the damn time. It is ever-present. It never goes away. Some days the hurt isn't too bad. Other days are just plain shitty. Unfortunately I never know what day it will be. Sometimes anti-inflamatories work, sometimes they don't. I have regular physio which usually gives me some short-term comfort. On bad days I just want to stay in bed but for some reason, lying down aggravates it. Which means that nights are always nasty. Never being able to find a comfortable position, I contort myself into different positions, wriggle and toss and turn, always seeking but never quite managing to find relief. On really bad nights even the dog chooses to sleep on the floor!


In September last year I decided I was going to be in pain whether or not I exercised. And as I did not want to go into my 60s in the same shape as I was in my 50s, I decided I might as well start exercising. So I got back up, dusted myself off, and put my creaky old body on a mission to get fit and healthy - and stay that way! (There is more about this in my post titled Be kind to yourself.)

And now I am on my first round of the 12WBT. It turns out to have been one of my better ideas. I finally feel like I am growing up and taking responsibility for myself. And I am trying to live my favourite sayng:

Just because you are in pain doesn't mean you have to be one!

Organising frenzy

I have felt that all my commitments have been getting a little out of hand. My socialising in particular is presenting some challenges in trying to keep to the 12WBT nutrition plan. I have been keeping within the calorie requirements but that has meant skipping a few meals in the last week. Not good! But I can't stay at home for ever for all my meals so I decided I needed to get a bit (a lot, really) organised.

I have always been a bit of a diary keeper, not to record my thoughts, but to keep track of appointments. (And I keep those calendars and diaries for years, but confessions about my hoarding will keep for another day.)

My immediate problem has been that in some ways I have been over-organised. The problem is that I use a Filofax, my iPad, my phone and my computer calendar to keep track of stuff. I also have a couple of hanging calendars but thankfully I don't put anything on them and I just look at the pictures or check a date if I am in the kitchen - yes, I have two in the one room.

I have tried syncing the electronic calendars but that doesn't seem to work properly. As I don't just use one product they don't all recognise each other so I get a mishmash on each device. I know the answer to that would be to use one type of electronic calendar so they would happily sync but I have only just thought of that solution as I have been writing!

Anyway, I decided to use my home computer's calendar (Outlook) as my main recording device. Yesterday I updated all the entries for the next two weeks from my Filofax to Outlook. And because I often have to show my Mum what she has scheduled, I printed out the diary to keep with me.

In theory this should make life a bit easier for me. I will just update the one electronic calendar. Since I got my iPad I have been using my phone less and less for scheduling stuff anyway. Of course, all this might change as I am doing an iPad course later this week and scheduling and sharing between devices is top of my list of questions to ask the instructor.

Any and all ideas on how to keep track of schedules will be gratefully received.

My little herb garden

But after buying lots of herbs over the last few weeks and throwing out rather a lot of them when they had wilted, I decided to try and grow a few myself. Now, I am not a gardener. I enjoy it on the rare occasions I do it but I would much prefer to do other things. The main problem with that is that after a rush of activity I then forget about things and have to do a major weeding and tidying job that turns me off gardening for a few more months. I was going to buy one of those above-ground metal garden thingos but they were so expensive. And, given my poor track record with gardening I thought it better to maybe start small and build up to bigger things. (The similarity between this and the 12WBT has not been lost on me - another good lesson learned and put into action!)

My 3-pot herb garden.
Maybe the kumquat (in the largest pot)
will get regular watering too.

So, last Friday I went to Bunnings and bought a selection of herbs - plus, snow peas and a strawberry plant. I also got some veggie and herb potting mixture.

Yesterday I cleaned out a couple of old pots I had lying around with dead plants in them and planted out the herbs. I have put the pots close to my front door where they have a good chance of catching my attention so that I will remember to water them.

It is all about setting yourself up for success. Those 2 'P's of Planning, Preparation and Persistance! And in this case, Purchasing, Pot Preparation and Planting!

Comparison with others serves no purpose, but ...

I was watching Michelle Bridges' 12WBT Weekly Mindset video the other night and she was saying that comparison with others serves no purpose if it is going to have a negative impact on you. I have not really been one to compare myself with others. I often admire, but I am lucky in that I rarely envy. But I often compare what I was like with what I am now and I am not happy with that. And yes, it can be negative. It can be immobilising. I know I can't swim like I used to look like I was when I was younger, or be the same person I was all those years ago. But I really don't want to either.

No, I have to backstep on that - I would absolutely love to be able to swim as fast as I used to because that ability was wasted on the younger me. I was so fearful and nervous and terrified of failure that I never enjoyed racing. I think that now I would, maybe just maybe, have better perspective and not be crippled by the anxiety of the past. But that is not something that I can really test as my 56-year-old body is not going to swim as fast as my 16-year-old body.
But I can be the best version of me. The me of now who has a gorgeous son, still has a mother alive, great friends who take me with all my foibles, and two dogs who think I am just perfect (such perceptive and intelligent canines).

Michelle Bridges

Anyway, back to the story. I was watching Michelle's video broadcast and I was agreeing with everything she was saying. Then realised I had wasn't actually listening. I had totally zoned out and was, instead, fixated on her lovely toned arms, thinking to myself "I want arms that look like hers!" It wasn't envy, it was admiration. It wasn't me thinking "How dare she have arms that are toned without any batwings." It was me thinking, "She has worked hard for those arms and all that hard work has paid off for her."


The Future Me!

Then she started talking about how, as we are nearly a third of the way through the program, it would be a good idea to revisit our goals. And I thought to myself that I need to devise a goal that relates to my biceps. Because I already know what the reward will be - wearing a sleeveless top for the first time in over 30 years.

So, sometimes comparisons are useful, especially when they are used for inspiration.

My next blog will be how I may be becoming a 12WBT zealot :)