Many people seem to think that because I have 'retired' from paid work that I have time available. Well I don't. Helping my mother takes more hours than a full-time job, for goodness sake. I don't have one free day in a week, not one. It is a constant barrage of things I need to do for others - errands and commitments and problems to sort out that I have been talked into. Some days it feels like everyone thinks I have been put on this earth to help them. No surprise then that I don't have enough time to look after myself. My house is a mess. And I don't know when I last had a day without someone wanting something from me, or suggesting something I could/should do. Constant little niggly ear worms making me feel bad if I don't help. And this has been going on for years, and years, and years!
Well, enough is enough. I can't (and won't) do it any more. I am going to put people on notice that I am not available. I am making time for me. I don't want my phone ringing all the time, and people complaining they can't get through to me, that they haven't seen me, bla bla bla, and wouldn't it be great if I organised this or that because I am such a good organiser! I don't expect it of others so why is it expected of me? I can't do it all and I am not going to try to be all things to all people any more. And if they don't like it then it is really too bad. I am more important than those who want things from me all the time. And I want some time for ME. I want a weekend where I can do what I want not what others want me to do because that is what THEY want. It is well overdue for me to start nurturing myself, not taking care of others' needs and wants all the time. Selfish? Maybe. But it is time.
Congratulations on deciding to put your needs first :D
ReplyDeleteI mean that honestly, as it sounds like you are the sort of person who initally did things for people because it made you happy to do so, but it's now got totally out of control.
I made a similar decision for my New Year's Resolution; which is a big part of why I joined the 12wbt, I was making myself sick and sacrificing my long-term happiness because I was too worried what others would think if I didn't "tow the line".
I believe that if you take as much time for yourself as you need, you might find that in a few months you're ready to help others again, but you'll have broken the cycle and be able to do it on your own terms.
Love reading your blog.
All the best,
Bec
Thanks, Bec. I have been feeling the guilts for making it 'public' but I put it out there and there is certainly something about putting it out there loud and proud that makes you that little bit more free. Let's continue not towing the line! (PS I have signed up for the next round of 12WBT - I am not too proud to admit when I need help, and help it has!) All the best.
DeleteThe gold star goes to Truffles this month!
ReplyDeleteEveryone is much happier when they lower their expectations - you are just making them happier!