I am not Sisyphus

Yesterday I did my weigh-in for Round 3 of 12WBT. I weighed in at 1.4 kgs more than I started Round 2. Yes, I acknowledge it is still a lot less than I weighed last year, and my ‘wall sit’ and the other fitness tests show that I am a lot fitter, but I am pretty down on myself for falling off the wagon so much so quickly. It only took three weeks to gain that weight. And what is worse I did it knowingly. Did I enjoy it? Well, yes, sort of. But in the back of my mind was my voice always saying to myself, “Why are you doing this to yourself?” The only thing I didn’t do was eat chocolate. It was like somewhere is those recesses of that complex mind I knew that if I succumbed to chocolate then that would be the end, the absolute end.

So why was my second round of 12WBT pretty much a dead loss? Believe me, I have given this some thought. I did too much travel. I wasn't organised enough. I set lousy goals that I didn't give enough thought to. I didn't eat clean and fresh. I just wasn't on board. I went through the motions. I wasted the opportunity of those 12 weeks - not completely, but close enough.

I managed my first three-week trip quite well. I never quite got back into the groove and when my second three-week trip came around I got complacent. My total 22 kilo loss is now 18.6 kilos. So I have some catch up to do. I take full responsibility for my lapse. I have also learnt a few good lessons from it and everything Mish says about getting organised, eating fresh and healthy and consistency being key is so, so true. So I am back for Round 3 and really excited about it.

It is crazy that I now have to again lose weight I have already lost. I feel like Sisyphus, who, in Greek mythology, was punished for chronic deceitfulness by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action forever. A life made meaningless because it consists of bare repetition.

Sisyphys (1548-1549) by Titian

I don't want to keep losing the same kilos over and over again for the rest of my life. That is just plain stupid. And I am not stupid!